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Value of Spring Valley Foray Questioned
FFSC Ministers voted to ban the collection of “Spring Kings” at this year’s Spring Foray since the fungus was recently put on the endangered species list. Some members have questioned this decision. Spod Tanier, long known for his passion for Spring Kings, is not deterred by this decision. “I know where there are plenty of kings,” says Tanier. Member Debbie Viess has no regrets, however. “They’re bland. Why bother? I’m so over eating mushrooms anyway,” said Viess. She suggested that instead of picking mushrooms, people should just go have a good snowball fight and get over it.
Soquel Demo Forest Closed to Mushroom Hunting and Everything Else
Rumors abound that recent staff cuts in Santa Cruz County Road Maintenance Division led to the demise of access to the Soquel Demonstration State Forest. It is unclear how logging will continue there without a viable road. Tom Sutfin, Forest Manager, says “I’ll rebuild the road if I have to do it one shovel full at a time.” Sutfin has applied for funding for a helicopter pad to be installed near park headquarters. “With the road out, the only way in or out is by air,” says Sutfin. For now, black chanterelles can now grow in peace without fear of being plucked and sautéed.
Did Someone Ignore the Suggested Species List??
Extreme behavior was the hallmark of this year's Fungus Fair Reception. Science Advisor John Brown and Minister of Culinary Events Vernetta McGuire mounted an urgent investigation to determine if a mushroom toxicology issue was responsible. “People really need to stick to the suggested species list and fill out their dish tags!” said McGuire, clearly exasperated. Opinions were divided as to cause: hallucinogenic mushrooms, Two Buck Chuck toxicity of the white whiners, or simply good spirits. Brown, an analytic chemist, is still working on the matter. Stay tuned for more.
Help Has Arrived.
April is here and Craterellus is fruiting furiously in the forests. You all love the challenge of trying to get your eyes tuned to seeing them and the thrill of actually finding them; but then when you arrive at your domicile with your basket bulging with Nature’s bounty you are faced with the daunting task of getting them clean enough to eat. After plowing through plantations of poison oak, many times the cleaning seems to be the toughest part of the whole endeavor.
Well folks, fret no more! Now there is an easy way to deal with your gritty load of fungal freebies from the forest. Just bring them by Gary’s Craterellus Cleaning Center. Ale-addled technicians will clean your Craterellus to perfection. That’s right, just bring them to GCCC and I will clean them all; then I get half and you get half. No muss, no fuss. Once you bring your mushrooms to me you will know you have been... serviced.
And for a limited time only on all orders over 15 pounds I will deliver the cleaned goods to your door. What more could you ask for?
Customer satisfaction is guaranteed! If for any reason you are not completely satisfied with the cleanliness of your “Trumpets of Death,” simply return the uneaten portion to Gary’s Craterellus Cleaning Center and we can just forget about the whole deal. What more could I ask for?
— Gary Milburn
*Offer void during August and September.
Spring Mushroom Cookoff
This year’s Mushroom Cookoff will feature Gyromitra esculenta, says foodie Vernetta McGuire. Esculenta is Latin for delicious! Sometimes known as the beefsteak morel, recipes for this fungus abound in mushroom lore, and McGuire and her team of tasters will judge which cook turns out the tastiest dish. Longtime MSSF member Larry Stickney was quick to volunteer as a taster, citing his many years of eating this exotic fungus. “Just don’t stand too close to the cook pot,” says Stickney, “and you won’t inhale the monomethylhydrazine.” As a precaution, exhaust fans have been installed for the stoves where the contest takes place. To read more about this mushroom, visit Tom Volk’s webpage:
http://botit.botany.wisc.edu/toms_fungi/may2002.html
Caution: This is the April Fools issue, and eating this mushroom, if you haven't figured it out by now, is NOT encouraged.
